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Total Divas Recap S1E13 "Get That Chingle Chingle"

Previously on Total Divas: Nikki spent the entire episode complaining about John Cena’s cohabitation agreement, but then just ended up signing it as long as he kissed her like 20 times a day. Brie was upset because Bryan is super busy with WWE now that he’s a champion, but she ended up apologizing by the end of the episode. Ariane and Vinny gave way too many details about their sex life, and Nattie got mad at TJ for training Eva Marie even though being a coach/trainer is literally his job. It was definitely a filler episode, and, unfortunately, it seems to be the same for this week.

This week opens up with the women getting ready backstage at Raw. Trinity is with Miss Sandra as they try to figure out how to fix her gear since she keeps popping out of her top. Miss Sandra has the genius idea to add a mesh covering to it which ends up being super cute. Brie Bella has a match and she explains to us that she has had to be on her own for five months due to Nikki’s injury. She’s used to wrestling as a tag team and being solo has been a huge adjustment for her and she is really excited for Nikki to come back. Eva Marie is also shown backstage talking to Miss Sandra although it was really nothing of importance.

Nikki is at John Cena’s house which I guess is also technically hers, but you really question that during this episode. John Cena is trying to do too much with his injury and won’t let Nikki help him. He is trying to fix this fireplace and for some reason, to him, this is the most important task that he possibly could be doing and it must be fixed right now. Nikki grabs a cup of coffee and strangely, asks John Cena if she is allowed to sit on a chair with her coffee. Little do we know that John Cena is an absolute psychopath when it comes to his house which we will discover later on. Surprisingly, he allows her to sit on a chair and drink coffee. Nikki starts talking about how she wants to add warmth to the house such as having some candles and personal photos on the wall rather than having the place look like an upscale hotel or museum. John Cena basically ignores her this entire conversation because he is too worried about that damn fireplace.

Later on, Nikki and John Cena go out to eat (because OF COURSE they do) and John Cena is talking about how he misses being in the ring and being on the road. Nikki brings up the fact that she likes how they both have been able to be at the house together and spend a lot of time with each other and also brings up re-decorating the house again. She brings up the candles again (the girl loves her candles and I don’t blame her) and John Cena says that he has, and I quote, “a weird fire hazard thing”. The man literally has an entire fireplace in his house (that doesn’t work apparently) and he is worried about candles?? Make it make sense. An entire fireplace that has a huge open flame isn’t a fire hazard, but some candles are. Interesting. Nikki mentions that she feels like a guest in John Cena’s house even though it is supposed to be her house too.

Ariane is in a recording studio because she has a song coming out called “Bye Bye”. I don’t think it was ever made aware to anyone on the show that she sings/raps, but here we are. Vinny is also there and is just kind of standing around like he usually does. Ariane records the song and keeps saying that everything about it is “the bomb dot com”. I’m dead serious, She keeps repeating this phrase through the entire episode and personally, I am not a fan. Anyway, for some reason, Ariane decides to give Vinny a headscissors in the middle of the tiny recording studio. They start to wrestle and the producers have Jon Uso-level looks on their faces. They are clearly confused and ready for both of them to leave. Ariane asks one of the producers if she can wrestle him and he politely declines. In the car on the way home, Ariane is talking about how bomb dot com that song was and starts telling Vinny that she wants him to do something that he is passionate about as well in order to “get that chingle chingle”. She also says that she wants him to have some sort of brand. Vinny brings up that he plans to open a hookah business and Ariane argues that he could do more. She says that she wants him to try out for NXT. You can clearly tell he isn’t a huge fan of this idea but tells her that if the opportunity comes up, he’ll take it. This should go well.

My favorite couple, Trin and Jon Uso, are in the car when Trin’s dad calls. He tells her that he and his band will be in town and he was wondering if he could stay at her and Jon Uso’s place even though it is a one-bedroom apartment. Trin tells him that he is always welcome to stay with them and Jon Uso isn’t thrilled but keeps his mouth shut. A little while later, Jon Uso and Trin are at their apartment and her dad arrives. Trin explains that her dad is a touring musician and wasn’t around a whole lot when she was growing up since he was always traveling. Because of this, she takes any opportunity she can to hang out with him and will always let him stay with her when he needs to since she loves to catch up and spend time with him.

Ariane and Vinny are at the park with her dog, Glitty, and for some reason, they are racing each other. Ariane smokes Vinny and it isn’t even close. While they are there, Bill DeMott, one of the head trainers at the Performance Center at the time (who has since been fired), calls Ariane and tells her that Vinny can come in for a pre-audition for NXT. Just from his facial expressions, Vinny is clearly nervous but tells Ariane that he’s got it and he’s going to do well for her.

Back at John Cena’s house, Nikki just got back from a workout. She is going to go shower and throw her workout clothes into a laundry hamper. Seems simple, right? Oh no, John Cena makes you believe that she just committed a terrible sin. John Cena comes and explains that the hamper on the left is for smelly clothes such as workout clothes, while the hamper on the right is for “normal” clothes. Nikki just has a stunned look on her face and I honestly agree. What is the difference? Aren’t they all getting washed anyway? I could see having a separate hamper for light clothes and dark clothes, but why are you basing it on smell? I mean, just be glad she is putting them in a hamper at all and isn’t just leaving them all over the floor. John Cena definitely has some OCD and it’s only going to get worse as the episode goes on. In fact, I believe this episode was the inspiration behind Miz and Maryse’s famous “John Cena House Rules” skit from years ago.

Vinny and Ariane arrive at the Performance Center for the first day of his pre-audition. He is nervous but also seems excited to get into the ring. Bill DeMott is the only person in the entire Performance Center and will be “working” with Vinny which means he will be yelling at him the entire time. Bill has him begin some workout routines and Vinny is clearly struggling almost immediately. Bill is showing no mercy and is keeping up with his counts whether Vinny is off the mat or not. Vinny takes a lot of back bumps and can’t get back to his feet in the time that Bill gives him. Ariane tells us that Vinny is a really big weight-lifting guy, but that cardio really isn’t his thing which honestly she should have taken into account when getting him this pre-audition. She’s been through this, she knows what it’s like and it seems as though she didn’t prepare the poor man at all. At one point, Vinny just lays in the ring and seemingly gives up. Bill tells him that WWE is no joke and he really needs to go back and think about if this is what he truly wants and if he is able to do this.

Ariane and Vinny leave the Performance Center and in a truly disgusting scene, Vinny throws up outside while Ariane repeatedly tells him that he can do this and it’ll all be okay after the first couple of days. At their hotel, Vinny shows Ariane how bruised his back is how he doesn’t know if he wants to do this, and that he doesn’t think this is for him. Ariane basically ignores him and his feelings and tells him he has to suck it up and that he’ll get through it. She also starts poking the bruises on his back and if I were him, I’d probably freak out at her, but he is remaining surprisingly calm.

In a change of pace, Nikki decides to surprise John Cena with a home-cooked meal, so she goes grocery shopping to get the supplies since John Cena has no food in his house. She also decided that she was going to stock his fridge assuming that he would be super excited about actually having food in his house. Later in the day, she cooks what looks like a delicious meal to surprise John Cena with. When he gets home, he is stunned that they are not going out to eat like he had thought. Honestly, me too John Cena because this whole show revolves around people eating at restaurants and we have not had one restaurant scene this entire episode yet and it’s ruining the vibe. John Cena is upset that there are things on his countertop because it will ruin the marble. Yeah Nikki, why would you put things on top of a counter? What do you think the counter is there for? To just set things on while you cook? Be real. John Cena tells her that he hopes this is a one-time surprise and Nikki is clearly annoyed at him for acting like this after she put in all this work. Oh, but it gets worse. Nikki starts to wash dishes and John Cena is concerned that she got water on the floor while she was doing dishes because the water will warp the floor. Yeah, Nikki, don’t you dare get a single drop of water on the floor, What are you thinking? Nikki then decides to load up the dishwasher and John Cena interrogates her on when she is going to run it. Nikki is fuming and says she hates living in a museum and hates living by John Cena’s House Rules. Well, how dare you use the kitchen for its intended purpose, Nikki? Putting things on the counter and getting water on the floor??? Get it together, the kitchen is just something to look at while you slowly walk to the living room so you don’t scuff the floor by walking too fast.

John Cena decides to go to the gym to hang out with his friend and trainer, Rob. One would assume that John Cena would come to the gym to work out, but you would be mistaken. Both of them decide to play chess. Because who wouldn’t go to the gym and play chess? I wonder if they hold entire tournaments here or if the chess is exclusive to John Cena and Rob. John Cena explains how Nikki keeps screwing up his house and is going to warp the floor and ruin the marble and how she is doing all of these other terrible, horrible things. Rob tells him that everything she is doing actually seems like nice gestures and he is just upset about it because she is not doing things HIS way. He also says that if John Cena wants everything done his way all the time he should just never talk to anybody ever again. John Cena seems to get some clarity and later on, decides to surprise Nikki with some flowers and some candles. John Cena apologizes and tells her that she’s been right this whole time and it is her house too so they should also decorate the house the way she likes. Nikki asks if she can make dinner and he agrees but I know inside his head he’s worried about the stove being a fire hazard and also won’t be able to stop looking at the candles. I wonder if he ever got the fireplace repaired.

Trin and Jon Uso are having a slumber party in the living room of their one-bedroom apartment since Trin’s dad is currently sleeping in their bed. It is the middle of the night and her dad gets up to make some sandwiches. And I’m not talking just a simple PB&J, I’m talking full-on, multiple-layer sandwiches. I wanted one immediately. He offers Jon Uso a sandwich, but he says no because he is clearly annoyed at having to sleep in the living room of his own apartment. Trin is super excited about her sandwich at least.

Later on, the couple are backstage at Raw and Trin tells Jon Uso that her dad is going to have some food ready for them that night when they get home. Jon Uso isn’t happy that her dad will still be there when they get back and wants her to tell him that he has to leave. Trinity refuses to tell him to leave and says she is not going to have him sleep in a hotel when she has an apartment that he can stay in. Jon Uso repeatedly says that he isn’t happy just having her dad chill there. I honestly understand it. Three people in a one-bedroom apartment is way too many and I wouldn’t just want someone hanging at my apartment either when I just want to go home and relax. Nothing gets resolved in this conversation and it seems as though Jon Uso is just going to have to suck it up.

Ariane and Vinny are at the Performance Center for the second day of his pre-audition. Bill DeMott has Ariane show Vinny how to hit the ropes. Vinny is struggling again and can’t keep the pace that Bill wants. Bill is not at all impressed and tells Vinny to go on a two-minute water break and tells Ariane to have a talk with him and give him some motivation. After the break, Bill has Vinny put on a helmet as they practice working on bumps. Bill hits him and Vinny goes down and can’t catch his breath to get back up. Bill has Vinny take off the helmet and decides to have a chat with him. Bill explains how this pre-audition was nothing and is just a sliver of what wrestlers go through each day during training. He also says that the WWE is not the place for Vinny to learn how to be a wrestler. Vinny and Ariane leave the building and Vinny has an entire breakdown in the parking lot. He is embarrassed that he failed and is mad at himself for listening to Ariane and putting himself in this situation just because she wanted him to have her same dream. Ariane feels bad about it and Vinny continues to cry in the parking lot. I get it though; it was clear this entire time that it was Ariane’s dream for him to do this and he really wanted nothing to do with it.

Later on, we FINALLY get a restaurant scene when Ariane and Vinny go out to a nice dinner. Ariane tells us that she wanted to take Vinny out to dinner as an apology for making him do the NXT audition. Vinny tells her that he talked to a real estate agent about looking at some properties for his hookah bar. He says that if it does happen, he is willing to quit his job and devote all of his time to getting this bar up and running. Ariane tells him that she will support him every step away and is happy to support him in his dreams, rather than making him live out her dreams for him. There was never really a big argument about the situation which I am honestly shocked at and they resolved everything surprisingly well. I can’t believe we almost got through this entire episode without somebody going out to eat. Nikki Bella almost ruined it for all of us by insisting on cooking in John Cena’s kitchen and ruining the entire kitchen in the process.

For some reason, we get a very quick Eva Marie scene even though she has zero storyline in this episode. Mark Carrano comes up to her backstage and tells her that they are going to scan her for her first action figure. Nattie sees her being scanned since she is next up and she is shocked that Eva is getting a figure when she is still so new. She continues to say that this still doesn’t mean that people will take her seriously until she actually starts wrestling. Eva tells everybody in the room that she wants her figure to have big boobs and a small waist because the bigger the boobs are, the more sales they will get. Everybody just kind of looks at her and tries to ignore her. And that’s literally all we hear about this the entire episode.

It is finally time for Trin’s dad to have his show with his band. She invites Nattie to the show to third-wheel her and Jon Uso. Jon Uso starts telling Nattie about how Trin’s dad has been in the apartment for far too long and it gets really crowded since it’s a small apartment. Trin sees where Jon Uso is coming from and tells Trin that she should respect his wishes and have her dad leave. Trin refuses once again saying that she is not going to kick her dad out. The show happens and everyone seems to be having a good time Trin even gets on stage with her dad and sings a few songs. Jon Uso wants to go home after the show since he has to wake up early in the morning, so Trin takes this opportunity to invite her dad and his band to her apartment for an after-party. In a one-bedroom apartment. Jon Uso is upset with this idea as he should be, and says that he doesn’t want all of these people in his apartment when he has to get up early. Trin just sort of brushes him off and tells him that it’s fine.

At the apartment, Trin’s dad and like a million other people show up to start partying. They set up a speaker and have the music super loud and now I’m not only feeling bad for Jon Uso, but also feeling bad for all their neighbors. Are there no quiet hours in this building? Jon Uso is super annoyed and wants to shut the whole party down so Trin talks with him out in the hallway about it. Trin repeatedly says she never gets to see her dad or any of his friends, so she wants them to stay even though she knows Jon Uso has to be up early and would enjoy just relaxing in his apartment. Jon Uso says she either has to kick everybody out or else he is leaving and going to a hotel that night. Trin once again refuses to kick any of them out, so Jon Uso leaves and she acts shocked even though that is exactly what he said he was going to do. She is upset that he leaves and isn’t enjoying the party with everyone else.

The next day (I’m assuming), Trin and her dad take a walk on the pier together. Her dad asks about her and Jon Uso and Trin tells him that they’ve been fighting because of him staying there. Trin basically tells her dad that he has to leave since she doesn’t want to fight with Jon Uso anymore and it really isn’t fair since it’s also his apartment. Trin’s dad jokes with her about getting kicked out but seems to be really understanding about it because he doesn’t want to be the reason why they are fighting. They hug and that’s the end of the episode. It ended really abruptly and are left hanging on whether Trin or Jon Uso resolved their issues.

NEXT WEEK: S1E14 “Saying Goodbye”. I’m not sure who we will be saying goodbye to in this episode, but I have a feeling it’s going to be something sad and I’m not sure if I’m ready for that.


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