Previously on Total Divas: Nattie got married and it was complete chaos. I strongly recommend going back and watching it if you haven’t already. Eva Marie and Jojo fought and decided not to travel or live together but showed up together at Nattie’s wedding in the next scene. Nikki skipped Nattie’s wedding to meet John Cena’s family which I swear was scheduled on the same day on purpose. Ariane ended up going to the ER and she said the doctor told her she probably had endometriosis and then we never heard about it again. Oh yeah, Ariane and Vinny are also apparently back together when I never knew they broke up in the first place.
You will all be shocked, but this week we open with the whole cast going out to eat breakfast. I wonder if there will ever be an episode where nobody goes out to eat. Eva Marie decides to show everybody a few shots from her Maxim photo shoot, and I agree with Nattie when she tells us that it is way too early in the morning to see Eva half-naked getting out of a pool. Eva tells everyone that she has a Maxim signing later that day and all the girls kind of roll their eyes. Brie tells Eva that she and Nikki were on the cover of Maxim Espanol and Eva is ready to brush it off by saying that the American version is somewhat better, but Brie shuts her down when she says that Maxim Espanol is distributed in way more places than just the United States and Eva finally just shuts up and is clearly upset that nobody is giving her the attention that she wants.
A little while later, Trin is wearing Louis Vuitton’s and can barely walk in them and she never really gives a reason as to why she’s wearing them. Ariane is making fun of her and my favorite, Jon Uso, is also there and is not impressed with the situation. Hang in there, Jon Uso, it’s only about to get worse. The three of them get into the car to head to the venue. Ariane is driving, Trin is the passenger, and poor Jon Uso is stuck in the backseat. Everything seems to be going fine until the car in front of Ariane takes too long (according to her) to go once the light turned green. Ariane keeps laying on the horn and tailgating this driver. Poor Jon Uso looks scared for his life. Finally, the car just stops in the middle of the road and Ariane literally gets out of the car to yell at this driver through the driver’s side window. Jon Uso has to get out of the car and physically hold her back. Trin has had enough and decides that she is going to be the driver now and Jon Uso is worried that they are all going to jail.
Nikki Bella is now off crutches and apparently is allowed to be backstage again because we never heard a word about her being away from TV since the last episode. She did say that she is not cleared yet but is hoping to be soon. So, it seems like all of Nikki’s worries about never wrestling again after this injury just went away because we really only heard about that for one episode. Eva Marie and Jojo show up backstage together despite the fact that in the previous episode, they got into a huge fight and didn’t want anything to do with each other. This show really brushes over storylines sometimes.
Anyway, Eva Marie tells Nikki that she is going to be a fan favorite now which is literally the dumbest term, but that’s a conversation for a different day. Eva also says that there are “rumors” that she will be teaming with John Cena in the future. Her source? Twitter and wrestling blogs. Nikki basically laughs in her face and tells her it won’t happen, and that she’ll ask John Cena directly about it. Eva is still convinced that since it’s online, it must be true even though she literally works for the company and could probably ask anybody backstage about it to see if it is true or not, but she would rather rely on social media to find out what she’s going to be doing, I guess. After this exchange, Jojo, for some reason, goes to Eva’s. Maxim signing with her and not a whole lot happens at the signing.
That night, Nattie and Trin have a singles match against each other. Everything seems to be going well until Trin accidentally hits Nattie in her bladder and Nattie pees herself during the match. You honestly couldn’t even tell but since it’s Nattie, she makes it into a big deal and literally tells everyone she knows and then later on acts shocked that so many people know. I’m getting ahead of myself. She starts to blame Trin for it and blows up on her and keeps calling her a “wild stallion” in the ring when it was literally just a mistake that could’ve happened to anybody.
A little while later, Nikki Bella decides to find John Cena and tell him about Nattie peeing herself in the ring John Cena does not care at all and proceeds to tell her about how he once pooped himself in the ring and Nikki is disgusted. I truly don’t know why Nikki continues to bother John Cena with all this gossip since it is clear every single time that he does not care about it. After that conversation, Nikki asks John Cena about the huge ball growing on his elbow and he says that it hurts and that he will get it checked out but is trying to time it so he doesn’t have to miss his match at SummerSlam later that week.
A few days later, everyone is having a meeting with Mark and Jane at the hotel. They go over the schedule for SummerSlam week and they announce that Nattie and Brie will have a singles match at the show with Nikki and Eva Marie in Brie’s corner and Trin and Ariane in Nattie’s corner. This is so odd to me because I always figured that they would know the plan well a few days before the show, but I guess that’s WWE in a nutshell. Nattie also finds out that she won’t be walking the red carpet at the SummerSlam party and instead will be hosting the red carpet like she usually has to do. She is not thrilled about it.
We are now shown the red carpet and we find out it’s John Cena and Nikki’s first red carpet together and they are taking a bunch of photos together until John Cena gets a text message and a WWE official comes up to talk to him. John Cena tells Nikki that he needs to leave and just walks away without telling her what’s going on. It’s very weird and if I were Nikki, I would be really mad because I would at least expect an explanation or at least be allowed to leave with him. Nikki is pretty furious and says she’s over it.
Meanwhile, Nattie is hosting the red carpet and Alicia Fox comes up to her to make fun of her accident during the match from a few days ago. Alicia tells her that like 50 people know and keeps cracking jokes about it. Nattie is furious and starts complaining about how Trin is a wild stallion again. Alicia is still laughing and thinks the whole thing is hilarious and I cannot wait for her seasons of this show.
Ariane brings Vinny to the red carpet and party, and it goes about as well as you could imagine. Vinny is clowning on the carpet after all the photographers leave and nobody pays any attention to him which is probably for the best. At the party, Vinny is being himself which consists of drinking too much, dancing, and being overall annoying. Ariane starts to yell at him and her mom, Tammy, tells Ariane to cool down and just let him have fun. Ariane, of course, doesn’t listen and proceeds to yell at him all night in front of everybody which honestly causes more of a scene than if she would’ve just let Vinny do his thing. At one point, Ariane has a heated exchange with Vinny and she actually shoves him.
Trin decides to have a conversation with Ariane and tells her that she is doing too much and it’s uncomfortable for everyone to watch her yell at Vinny all the time and she tells her that he doesn’t deserve to be treated the way that Ariane is treating him. She wonders why Ariane chooses to embarrass him rather than ask him nicely to stop doing whatever it is that he is doing. Ariane doesn’t have an answer for her and just keeps complaining about how Vinny is annoying.
The morning after the party, Brie and Nikki are out walking Josie and Brie asks Nikki what happened when John Cena left and if Nikki knows what happened. Nikki says that she went back up to the hotel room and John Cena wouldn’t really talk about what was wrong and was just quiet overall, so she’s not really sure what happened and doesn’t know if it’s her fault. Later on, they have a fan access signing and so do Eva Marie, Nattie, and Alicia Fox. Eva Marie tells us that everyone would rather see her than the Bellas and I’m not really sure why she is trying so hard to be the villain right now. A fan comes up to Nattie’s table and tells her that she enjoyed her match with Naomi a few nights ago. Alicia Fox asks the fan if she saw Nattie pee herself and of course, Nattie gets upset. Alicia is always out here stirring the pot and I am honestly here for it.
After the signing, the Bellas and Bryan have to go to a recording studio to record some voicework for a movie they are a part of. Brie tells Nikki that Eva Marie came up to her and was trying to get Brie to be tag partners with her instead of Nikki since Nikki is out with an injury. Nikki is not having it and is ready to fight Eva. Nikki tells us that Eva is constantly trying to be her and she’s sick of it and it needs to stop. She also says she is going to slap Eva and I can’t wait to see that.
Meanwhile, Ariane goes to her mom’s house to have a discussion with her about why she has so much anger and aggression. Her mother, Tammy, tells her that she wishes Ariane would work on her anger and pick her battles and Ariane tells her that she gets her anger from Tammy because she is the same way in how quickly she can lose her temper. They talk about Ariane’s childhood and how there was a lot of anger and fighting and dysfunction. Ariane tells Tammy that she never wanted to bring people over to the house since her mom and stepfather would constantly fight and her stepfather would talk to Ariane in a very disrespectful way as well. Ariane and Tammy really do have a good deep conversation and I think it helped Ariane realize why she’s the way she is. Tammy really wants Ariane to stop snapping at Vinny and get help with her anger issues.
Back at the hotel, Nattie and TJ are unpacking and Nattie is overwhelmed thinking about her SummerSlam match because she is worried that she is going to pee herself again honestly, in my opinion, she needs to get over herself and just focus on the match. TJ tells her the same thing and really puts her in check and tells her that she blows everything out of proportion which is the honest truth. Nattie believes TJ and tells us that she is going to put that match in the past and that her upcoming match against Brie is the biggest of her career and she needs to put all her effort into focusing on that. I’m glad you finally realized that Nattie.
Also at the hotel, Ariane decides to plan a romantic rooftop dinner/party (?) for Vinny. I honestly don’t know what it’s supposed to be. She literally just brought a table, champagne, and flowers up to the roof. Oh, and Trin and Jon Uso are also there for some reason and Jon Uso looks like he’d rather be anywhere else. Jon Uso really is not an Ariane fan and also doesn’t seem to be a Vinny fan and I really feel for the man since he has to be dragged everywhere with them. Also at the hotel, Brie and Bryan are in bed with Josie, and Bryan is talking about how he’s nervous but excited for his match at SummerSlam against John Cena. Brie is also nervous to have a singles match.
We are finally at SummerSlam and Nikki finds John Cena backstage to ask him about why he stormed off at the red carpet. He apologized and said that the doctor told him to call immediately as they had results from his appointment for his elbow. They found out that the giant ball on his elbow is a sack of fluid because he has a torn triceps. He also found out that instead of being out for just a couple weeks, he is looking at being out for six months with the match at SummerSlam being his last for a while since he will be having surgery the following week. Nikki is worried and isn’t sure how John Cena will handle being out that long.
Jojo sings the National Anthem at SummerSlam which is strange because we heard NOTHING about it for the entire episode. It’s a pretty big deal and you would think that it would be a major story during this episode, but I guess Nattie peeing her pants and Eva Marie antagonizing everybody makes for better TV. Poor Jojo.
The women’s match is on, and Eva Marie is freaking out because she sees an Eva Marie sign in the audience. Nattie wins by making Brie tap out to a sharpshooter and apparently did not pee her pants this time since we heard nothing about it.
After the match, Brie and Nikki’s mom, Kathy, are backstage and talking about how cool the match was and how happy she was to be there. Eva Marie decides to interrupt this conversation and starts.
talking trash again for no apparent reason. I don’t think Eva ever actually left high school because she is 100% acting like a bratty teenager.
She is talking about how many Eva Marie signs she saw, and Nikki coldly says that she was too busy watching Brie’s match to worry about the signs that fans had. Eva eventually leaves and Brie tells Nikki to not worry about Eva since she’ll only be around for a year because of the way she acts. Brie also told her to not be so angry and just hold her head up since they actually have respect for the business.
It is time for John Cena and Bryan’s match and Kathy refuses to choose who she is going to root for. Nikki is mad at Bryan during the match because he keeps targeting John Cena’s elbow even though it is absolutely the right thing to do since John Cena will be needing to take time off anyway. Brie asks about John Cena’s elbow and Nikki has to lie to her about it since barely anybody knows what’s going on. Bryan ends up winning the match and wins the WWE Championship and Brie jumps up and celebrates as if she didn’t know what was going to happen. And then the episode just kind of ends right there. No loose ends tied up and I’m sure they won’t be tied up on any future episode either.
NEXT WEEK: S1E11 “Nurse Nikki”. I am pretty positive I hated this episode when it came out originally but looks like we’ll have to wait and see!