Previously on Total Divas: The Divas and their significant others, including Justin Gabriel for some reason, went to Vegas for Nattie and TJ’s joint bachelor/bachelorette party. Nattie was obsessing over some guy named Jaret who is not her fiance. Jojo and Justin Gabriel “broke up” because Jojo was too young and he also went off with some other girl at the bar. Ariane and Vinny were fighting because Vinny just showed up on the trip and got completely hammered. Everybody ate a lot of meals together and Brie dipped a little bit into Brie Mode but not as much as I would’ve liked. Nikki also fell off a booth at the club.
This week’s episode opens with Eva Marie driving around when she gets a call from a WWE public relations representative who tells her that Maxim magazine wants Eva to do a shoot for them. It’s very clear that this is not the first time Eva is hearing about this because she is a very bad actress when she is pretending to be shocked. There is also a random clip of the Bellas signing things for fans on their way into the building for a show and Nikki makes a weird comment about how she feels she has “made it” because she mingles with celebrities even though she is not currently hanging out with any celebrities.
Ariane and Vincent are at their apartment and Ariane is getting ready for a red carpet event. Vincent is mad because he wants to go with and Ariane tells him no. Am I accidentally watching last week’s episode again? They had this exact same argument about Vegas too and it really seems as though Vincent does not understand that Ariane can not have him hanging around her like a puppy all the time. Ariane tells us that Vinny gets on her nerves and she also screams and shuts the bathroom door on him which he isn’t too thrilled about. I am mentally preparing myself for an Ariane and Vincent episode.
Then, there is a brief clip of John Cena and Nikki at John’s house, where John has invited stretch therapists. Imagine having enough money to invite these people into your home and not even needing to go to the office. Except for John Cena’s suggestive remarks about Nikki, as she receives stretching, nothing significant really occurs in this scene.
Eva Marie, Nattie, Jojo, and Ariane are all (surprise, surprise!!) out to eat at a restaurant. Eva announces that she is going to shoot for Maxim. Nattie says she is so happy for Eva, but her face says otherwise.
Nattie tells us in her confessional that Eva has the “it factor”. Ariane also tells us that she is worried that Eva is going to take her spot and replace her. Jojo tells us that she is happy for Eva, but at the same time is sad that Eva is getting a push and is getting overlooked. After everyone is done eating, we cut to Jojo doing vocal exercises in her and Eva’s apartment. Jojo tells us that singing is her passion and she is in love with it. She tells Eva, who overhears her singing, that she wants to talk to Mark and Jane about possibly singing the national anthem before an episode of Raw.
In her confessional, Eva says that she isn’t sure if Jojo actually wants to wrestle since she is focused on singing and basically that she should get her priorities straight. Ummmmm Eva?? Did you not just get a call to do a Maxim photoshoot?? You are not wrestling either and are out here modeling. How is that any different than Jojo wanting to sing at a show? She is trying to get her name and face out there just as much as you. It is truly one of the most hypocritical things I’ve heard on this entire show so far. I really don’t know how Eva said all of this with a straight face.
I know you all won’t believe this, but everyone is out to eat again. Apparently they all agreed it was going to be a casual lunch, but Nattie, Brie, Nikki, and Ariane were all super dressed up while Eva and Jojo were wearing workout clothes. Brie lectures them about how they always need to look good and put themselves together since they’re not even on the main roster yet. Okay, then why not just say that then?? If somebody tells me to dress casually, I am wearing a T-shirt, some leggings, maybe shorts, and some regular shoes. I am not going to go against that and dress up. Also, how weird is it that they all decided on a dress code for a random lunch? I feel like Eva and Jojo were set up right now and they never really had a chance.
Anyway, Ariane tells everyone that Vinny wants his parents to meet her parents and she isn’t really ready to do that since she considers it a huge step in their relationship and she just simply isn’t ready for that yet. I think this is completely fair especially since she has only been with the man for ten months. She clearly is not trying to rush things and I respect her for it.
However, Nikki thinks this is the most insane thing she’s ever heard. She starts talking about how she would sacrifice anything for John Cena and is shocked that Ariane isn’t ready to marry Vinny yet. Nikki tells her that Vinny probably isn’t one since she is not wanting to marry him immediately. I find all of this so weird. Ariane and Vinny have been dating for ten MONTHS. Yes, I understand some people move quickly in relationships, but let the girl figure out if she actually likes him or not before rushing into things. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Nikki and John Cena did not end up together.
Moving on, the Bellas are having a match on Raw and Nikki falls to the floor from the mat and screws up her shin pretty badly. She explains to us that when she played soccer in high school, her shin got injured and it split in half and she has struggled with the injury ever since. Brie tries to convince her that she should go to a doctor but Nikki doesn’t want to hear it because she doesn’t want to take time off with SummerSlam coming up.
A little bit later, Nikki goes out to a coffee shop with John Cena and she tells him that she hurt her shin. Much like Brie, John Cena tells her to go get it checked out. Nikki explains that she doesn’t want to take time off and John Cena basically tells her “too bad” and that she needs to get it checked before it gets worse. Because Nikki listens to everything John Cena ever tells her to do, she reluctantly agrees to get it checked out.
Eva Marie arrives on set for her Maxim photoshoot and she has an entire glam squad waiting for her. She says that feels like a real diva and loves it. Nothing else really happens in this scene because it’s just Eva awkwardly posing for a while.
Eva gets home and basically tackles Jojo and shows her some pictures she has from the shoot. Jojo really isn’t feeling it and is a bit quiet and probably annoyed. Eva asks her what’s wrong like a million times and Jojo keeps telling her nothing. Jojo tells her that she’s really happy for her, but Eva insists that Jojo is being standoffish. After becoming enraged, Eva leaves and tells us in her confessional that she is sick of Jojo’s childish games.
Both of these women act like they’re still in high school and to be honest, all they had to do this entire time was communicate, but both of them are actively choosing to be petty about the situation. Eva continues to tell us that she always supports Jojo, but Jojo never supports her. This is the same person who earlier on in this episode was talking all kinds of trash about Jojo wanting to sing the national anthem instead of wrestling. That is not supportive at all, so I’m really not sure what Eva is talking about. I don’t even know if Eva knows what she is talking about.
Lucky for us, we get to continue with Ariane and Vinny’s story in this episode. They are on their way to get Ariane’s nails done and Vinny yells at her for kissing her dog. When they get to the salon, Ariane also decides that she wants to get her dog’s nails done too and I wish I was joking about this. Vinny decides that right here, right now, in this public nail salon, is the absolute best time and place to bring up the fact that his dad wants to meet Ariane.
Ariane tries to ignore him at first but then finds that it is impossible to, so she tells him, and I quote, that she “doesn’t even have a half hour to scratch her ass” and is too busy to meet his dad. Vinny continues to push the issue until she finally reluctantly agrees to do it. I think she agreed more so Vinny would just shut up for one second.
Jojo, Trin, and my favorite, Jon Uso, are all working out together at the gym. Trin asks Jojo how Eva is doing and Jon Uso immediately makes one of his famous faces.
Jojo tells Trin that she really wants to sing the national anthem at one of the Raw shows. Trin agrees that Jojo is a really good singer, but tells her that the national anthem is a really hard song to sing and she would be terrified to do it. Jon Uso tells them to talk and work out and I love him. They ignore him, of course, and Trin tells Jojo that she is willing to sing with her and support her so Jojo isn’t all alone. She also suggests that they sing her theme song, “Somebody Call My Mama”, and that they can get Ariane involved too. Oh boy. Trin says that they can be like Destiny’s Child and Jon Uso tells them there is no way they are going to be like Destiny’s Child. I love him.
Nikki is finally at the doctor’s office getting a scan done and she is fairly certain something is wrong, but she won’t know until the WWE doctors look at her results. In the car, Brie tells her that she has to fix her shin immediately before it gets worse and Nikki is very rude to her and has a lot of attitude. Brie tells Nikki that this also affects her career, so she wants Nikki to get better as soon as possible and not risk a long injury. Nikki says it can wait until after SummerSlam and continues to be rude about it.
We then go to another car scene where Nattie and Eva Marie are driving together. Nattie is talking about how stressful it is to plan the wedding and how she is getting annoyed with TJ. This leads to a conversation about how Eva and Jojo are getting annoyed with each other since they are together all the time and they are constantly getting on each other’s nerves. Eva starts talking again about how Jojo is apparently putting a singing career above a wrestling career. EVA, YOU LITERALLY JUST MODELED FOR A MAGAZINE AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WRESTLING. At least Jojo is going to do her singing on an actual wrestling show. I just really don’t understand how Eva is not seeing that she is being hypocritical.
Trin and Jojo go to a recording studio to record their song and Trin’s dad, Shawn, is helping them out since he’s in the music industry. The song is actually pretty good and the girls sound better than what I was expecting. A few days later, we find out that there is still a lot of tension between Eva and Jojo at the apartment because Eva thinks Jojo is jealous of her. Jane calls Jojo to let her know that she listened to the song that she and Trin recorded and she absolutely loves it and is going to try and find a way to have them perform it on the show for Planet Funk’s entrance.
Next, Vinny takes Ariane to meet his dad. His dad immediately starts talking about the two of them getting married and the traditional Armenian practices that he is going to do at the wedding. Ariane is caught off guard and feels very uncomfortable when he also starts talking about grandchildren. I completely understand her too, especially since they’ve only been together for 10 months. Vinny’s dad also is unhappy that Ariane leaves Vinny every four days for work.
A few days after this (I’m assuming, they don’t actually tell us when any of this takes place), Vinny says he has a surprise for Ariane and ends up taking her to a jewelry store. Ariane is shocked and genuinely upset when he tells her that he will buy her a diamond ring. She is feeling a lot of pressure and ends up leaving the store to cry outside. Vinny comes out and doesn’t understand what’s wrong and she tells him that she isn’t ready for marriage and things are moving too fast for her. She also tells him that they just need to take a step back. To his credit, Vinny recognizes this and promises to wait for her; this marks the episode’s final mention of the topic.
Nikki and Brie go to the WWE doctors to find out the results of Nikki’s doctor’s visit. The doctor tells Nikki that she has a stress fracture in her shin and that he is putting her on crutches and she will need to be out of action for about 12 weeks. They have a meeting with Mark and Mark tells them he just had a meeting with creative and creative can’t find something for them to do while Nikki is on crutches. He decides to send them home since it’s too risky to have Nikki involved in anything with her injury. Nikki believes that her career is over even though the doctor literally told her she can come back in 12 weeks as long as everything heals correctly. I really feel for Brie in this situation as well since she will likely have to be off TV as well.
Jojo, Trin, and Ariane are practicing their song and routine backstage. Ariane is designated as the hype person, which is hilarious because I’m going to assume it’s because she can’t sing. They are literally on Main Event, and Vince McMahon passes by and tells them he is looking forward to the performance. Vince is such a lair because has never once watched that program in his life. Trin has a terrible cough and sounds like she’s dying which I’m sure is a great sign for the performance. They go out to the ring and begin and it is absolutely terrible. Ariane is screaming into the microphone, Trin and Jojo cannot harmonize together and the crowd is not enjoying it. Jane and Nattie are watching backstage and by the expression on Jane’s face, she is not impressed.
The women backstage are trying not to laugh when Jojo, Trin, and Ariane are done with the performance. Ariane and Trin think it went okay, but not great. Jojo is more honest with herself and says that it was an epic fail. Surprisingly, Jojo didn’t get a lecture by Stephanie McMahon the way Eva Marie did when she absolutely butchered her dance routine a few episodes ago. Then, the episode just kind of ends with no real wrap-up to the terrible performance.
NEXT WEEK: S1E8: “No Longer the Bridesmaid”. It is Nattie’s wedding!!!!! I am so excited for this chaotic event and I cannot wait to see what Jaret is up to. I also am excited to find out if TJ’s mom makes Nattie sleep in the same bed as her. See you then!